Sunday Confession: Fall
Last Sunday, I spent a few hours on a slightly treacherous trail after some recent rain. Honestly, I probably spent more time picking myself up from my numerous falls and spills than actually hiking I'm fairly certain. In the beginning of my hiking journey, I was terrified to fall.
I would stick to 'safe' trails and cut a walk or hike short if it seemed too challenging. Better to get in a few steps and be done than risk hurting myself was the mantra I sheepishly abided. In doing that though, I never challenged myself.
Those were the days that I never allowed myself to....meet me.
There is a person within all of us that we have not met yet. They can only emerge after we have been utterly destroyed and irrevocably changed. They are the phoenix waiting to be reborn. Perhaps, that person is someone we have always longed to be, perhaps they are someone we never thought we could be. Either way, they exist in the depths of our souls and will introduce us to our new selves after we have nothing left of the old us and are ready to transition.
And, often times, that occurs only after we have fallen apart.
Adamantly trying to avoid the painful falls for so long never protected me. Rather, it just delayed my learning expierences. Wanting to appear pristine and pretty with nary a bruise or cut on me relayed nothing of who I was or could be. Staying in my comfort zone and refusing to push myself to new limits and accept new challenges only helped me continue to tread in stagnant water. I was never allowing myself to learn how to swim. Treading can only go on for so long before your body gives out and you succumb to the overwhelming feeling of being tired.
The first time I fell, it sucked. It was when I went on a new trail-further than I had before. I was bruised on my thighs and hips. At that point, I could have stopped and decided that new was bad and old was good. But, you know what? I lived.
And, I do not mean lived in the sense I did not die-which, I am thankful for-don't get me wrong. But I lived in the sense that I did something new and learned that I would be okay pushing through the pain.
I keep hiking. I keep going.
Even when it is scary or foreign. Even if I want to stop. Even if I need to take a break.
Because this new me that has emerged-has learned a few things along the way. She knows how to hold her ground and learned techniques to walk properly when it can be dangerous. She is prepared as she can be with expierence and tools but accepts she will fall again. Most of the time, she will be able to get herself back up. And if she cannot get back up on her own? She knows she can ask for help.
The falls will happen regardless. Pushing them off will only delay becoming who we really are.
Don't fear getting bruised up and dirty. Fear staying clean...and not learning who you truly are.
Today's piece was part of Sunday Confessions hosted by the talented, soon to be super organized, down-to-earth, artsy Hot Ash from More Than Cheese And Beer. Sunday Confessions are welcome to anyone to join in so if you would like to link up, please go to her blog and do so!